Wednesday, May 19, 2010

I still have your yellow Hurley cap

It is easy to fall in love. No? You think it is hard? You're dead wrong. It is easy to fall in love. It is hard to get someone to reciprocate. Any little thing can make you fall in love with someone else. It sneaks up on you when you're not looking, Macy Schaefer. A look. A kind gesture. A night of conversation. Big things can make you fall in love with someone. A rescue from a bad situation. A night of drinking ending with holding that person over the toilet. A time when that person just takes your word for it. An all-encompassing hold of love and understanding when all you can do is cry. A place when that person has your back without question.

It would be hard to remember when I fell in love with Corey Sepulveda. The first kiss was the best first kiss I've ever had. Vividly seared in my mind is that kiss: downstairs in the sorority house, wearing my favorite J. Crew tank and jeans, after the bar closed, we traded ball caps earlier in the night and never traded back. In my heart also, is the night we broke up.

Looking back it was stupid. Foolish. Young and immature. In the moment, it was the right thing to do.

February 2005
"So you're going out tonight?" Corey asks angrily.

With an irritated sigh I patronizingly reply, "Yes, Corey. I had class all morning, worked all afternoon and evening, and all I want to do is unwind with a few beers and my co-workers. You're welcome to come." I said it, even though I knew he wouldn't. Or, truthfully, couldn't because of his age and his stubborn refusal to obtain a fake I.D. He's 20, I'm 23. And that's just how it goes with us. I push and he resists; he asks and I reject.

In the interest of not looking for a fight, I take a risk. "Look, just don't be here when I get home."

"And what should I take that to mean? That you're bringing someone home with you?"

"Are you serious right now?" I ask, almost laughing at that horrific prospect. "I love you, but you are straight getting on my nerves. Just pack a back and stay at your own place for once. We can be apart for one night, Corey."

And that was the end of it. Literally. Instead of working on a relationship that we both thought was "the one," we irritated each other into a break up. We went from being MacyandCoreyalldayeveryday to nothing. How did we get here?