Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Advice when you aren't even looking for it

Macy's story is a part of me. I hope to get to tell Macy's story in a complete setting one day, but I look forward to sharing part of her with you here.

First, I'm not Macy, but I have been some places she has. She's not me, but I wish I'd met some of the people she knows. Next, I'm protective over her, but I'm working on loosening my hold. She still believes in love, even though I maybe don't. I struggle to let her make her own mistakes, because I don't want her to make mine. Last, I worry for her because I'm unsure she will have a happy ending. It won't be a tragic ending, don't get me wrong. But an ending, tied neatly with a bow, may not be in the cards for me. Or her.

Fear and faith dominate the life of Macy. She will always care for others until they turn away, and then care a little bit more after they are gone. Her parents raised her right, despite what she does in some instances. I was lucky enough for Macy and some of her friends and family to come to me in a dream. Tonight I was reminded of why my own parents are wonderful: they introduced me to music of all kinds. I grew up listening to Billy Joel, The Eagles, Al Jarreau, and more. By the time I was 10 I knew all the lyrics to the musical, The Phantom of the Opera (although I didn't know it was scary at the time). Les Miserables is one musical I only recently discovered. While spending time with my mom tonight, "I Dreamed a Dream" played. And despite feeling sad, the lyrics inspired me to share Macy with you-

There was a time when men were kind,
And their voices were soft,
And their words inviting.
There was a time when love was blind,
And the world was a song,
And the song was exciting.
There was a time when it all went wrong...

I dreamed a dream in time gone by,
When hope was high and life, worth living.
I dreamed that love would never die,
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.
Then I was young and unafraid,
And dreams were made and used and wasted.
There was no ransom to be paid,
No song unsung, no wine, untasted.

But the tigers come at night,
With their voices soft as thunder,
As they tear your hope apart,
And they turn your dream to shame.

He slept a summer by my side,
He filled my days with endless wonder...
He took my childhood in his stride,
But he was gone when autumn came!

And still I dream he'll come to me,
That we will live the years together,
But there are dreams that cannot be,
And there are storms we cannot weather!

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living,
So different now from what it seemed...
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed...

The advice given to me was to be unafraid to tell Macy's story. I heard it a while back, and it is now reverberating in my hollow heart. I tell her story for me. But mostly, I tell her story for you.